Your Boyfriend Is Gay! And Other Such Truths.

Why, oh why?!

It's 11:44pm.

Have been on the phone with my parents for the past hour and a half.

No end is site.

Have decided that am paying price for being some nefarious deed done in a past life.

Was expected at nifty jazz club on Hennepin an hour ago.

It occurs to yours truly that while living in Seattle, conversations with parentals happened maybe once month.

Perhaps.  Perhaps, getting within short drive distance again will diminish these exercises in telephone torture.

Perhaps.

Listen, the Siren Screams

Best (Disturbing?) lines heard at CA Starbucks:

"I don't believe that she actually said that to you!  I would have slapped the bitch for even trying to get with my man."

"I know!  I almost did.  But the Bitch wouldn't let me!"

"She Wha??!  Girl you gotta get away from her, she is treatin' you like a dog!"

"I know, but she won't let me live with my Dad."

"Mmmm  That's triffelin'!"

Now what is disturbing about this is that these comments were not spouted by two girls in their late teens.  Oh, no...  these girls couldn't have been older than 12.  And the mother of one (not sure which) looked like she had just been release from the latest Nevada Stud Ranch <see below>.

!

But enough of that.

Let's chat about Heidi Fleiss.  She apparently wants to become an entrepreneur by opening up her own "stud ranch".  Now, I wouldn't normally comment on this, but as I was watching the tele in my hotel room, I happened across a news program that featured an interview with the famous "Hollywood Madam". 

Never one to pass up a train wreck, yours truly zeroed in to watch the hilarity ensue.  What I was confronted with was, a collagen nightmare.  The woman's lips were the size of plantains - and, well, about the same color.  Her eyes appeared to be almost pin-heads on her slightly yellow skin (granted, it could have been the tv, but I doubt it) and her voice had that flat-line quality that even Rosie The Maid would be jealous of.

The sunken eyes, the monotone voice and fruit lips all lent an air of Corpse-Bride-meets-Plastic-Surgery-Disasters legitimacy the whole endeavor.

Rancho CorWhere?!

Have arrived in CA (someplace outside of Sacramento) for my week of work.

Living up to her rep, Corp Lil' Kim will be arriving LATE.

But there is chicken masala on it's way over for dinner, so one can't complain.

This is the Day.

Have come to a conlusion.

Portland, here I come.

Now, I think I will pack for imbending trip to Sacramento for work and cry.

Ain't That Just The Prince's Shit!

Let's play Gay or Eurotrash! It's a lovely game that I found many many years ago from our friends at Blairmag.com.  And then.  Yes - AND THEN! You can play a rip roaring round of Lesbian or German Lady!

And now something about those curmudgeons of cleaning:

Yes, I am talking about Kim and Aggie.  The (lovely?) ladies from the Isle of Great Britian who swoop into semi-unsuspecting homeowners houses to berate them on their under developed abilities to keep the filth at bay.

They are a bit much.  Ok, it's really all about Aggie's hair.  It frightens me.  It frightens me in that was-that-really-Johnny-Depp-in-A-Nightmare-On-Elm-Street kinda way.  I can for give her seeming obsession with the red suit, but the hair. SHUDDER

I would comment on that other thing that happened this week, but am still a little freaked by it.

It rubs the lotion on it's skin or...

Creepy Right Wing Religious Co-Worker: "What's your costume?  Or do your people not dress up?"

Yours Truly: "Well, White Anglo-French Catholic men often do dress up for Halloween."

CRWRCW: "No, I mean your people.  THE GAYS. I would have thought that you people dress for this holiday.  Don't you have a dress to wear or something?"

YT (thinks to self:  Is he for real?): "Are you for real? I mean, really.  THE GAYS aren't required to dress up for that holiday.  The UNION has never recognized it as our official holiday."

CRWRCW: (with "disdain") "You know, I checked, you people don't have a UNION."

YT: (Amused) "Really...  And whom did you check with.  Anne Coulter?  Or perhaps you have a direct line to the Fox Truth Line.  Either way, you are mistaken.  We do indeed have a UNION.  Oh and by the way, I do have a costume."

CRWRCW: (Confusion tinged voice) "What is your costume?  You don't look any different than usual"

YT: (In dead-pan voice with no expression on face) "I am a seriel killer.  They look like everyone else."

CRWRCW: "That's a cop-out.  You just didn't want to dress up."

YT: (Leans close to ear and whispers) "Are you sure?  I know what car you drive."